Confessions of a Yogi

Fellow yogis, I’ve been feeling fraudulent lately, and so I have a few confessions to make to you (that were actually originally posted on Instagram last week, but I wanted to expand my thoughts behind my intentions for posting):

Yogi Confession #1

The pose in this post’s featured image took me a year to move easily into. It’s f*cking hard.

Yogi Confession #2

This is a yoga pose but not necessarily the yoga I practice. We have to remember that yoga is not about being bendy. Yoga is a mindset that encompasses our every breath, movement, and thought.

Yogi Confession #3

My body hurts—it has hurt for a while now. I gained a significant amount of weight (for me) in a short amount of time, mostly from stress and then supplementing that stress with cookies and iced frappuccinos.

And then I started eating better and training and now my body hurts even more because the competitor in me wouldn’t stop, because I wasn’t getting the results I wanted.

Since turning 40, I’ve had a harder time getting back to where I think I “should” be, a harder time keeping up, a harder time moving without pain. I’ve also held myself back from taking pictures like this, not knowing if you can see the broken, too.

Yogi Confession #4

I haven’t practiced yoga in months. I teach it, and hold space for the students I teach. But feeling the brokenness on the outside and subsequently on the inside has made me not want to.

So, now I stop searching for the result. I start to go back to enjoying life. To be okay with where I am, and start practicing again. Bit by bit, breath by breath.

The beast mode supermom is going to have to hang up her cape for a while.

But the reason behind these confessions is this: we all go through hard times. Life can be tough, and it can make you feel broken. Am I actually broken? No. But I don’t feel myself, and that can change your whole perception of worth.

We are all the same. We all want the same things. We want acceptance from others, but more importantly from ourselves. This situation I’m currently facing is teaching me humility and empathy for others that I know are going through the same body image issues; the same self-destructive thought patterns.

And so there’s this: I get you. I understand you. And I know you all get and understand me. We are here to support, not to tear down. I am here to simply be, just like all of you are here to simply be. My imperfections and struggles make me who I am and who I know I want to be.

And so do yours.

So please be patient with me because it teaches me to be patient with myself. I promise I’ll do the same for you.